Small squirrel and Big tree

Has been long since i blogged. I felt that i got noone to pour to. It's so not me to feel like this. Never been in this kinda relationship before, thus i really don't know what to do, how to react. Am i being paranoid, overreacting, selfish and pervert ? It's her husband and i'm actually being jealous over him. Asking what i'm not supposed to know saying what i'm not supposed to say. What should i do?

It all started on the 8th Aug 2009. Met her at DF, happened to be my friend's friend. We already knew each other for quite sometime just that we have never met. But still, we met coincidentally by chance by fate. Chatted on the phone almost everyday, meeting up, picking her sending her to work etc and we gradually become very close, like some kind unseen force bonding us together clicking very well. Knowing that she's married we carried on our relationship. Unbelievably we seems to have very similar frequencies. Always calling each other at the same time out of nowhere, or sms sent at the same time looking asking for each other, speaking the same words etc.. I believed it's all fate ! But isn't it alittle too late? Like for 6 whole years? What is exactly the outcome for us? I don't know. I seriously don't know a thing !

Although it's not a long peroid of time together, but the bond is definately not weak! At least for myself i know it's true and genuine.. I can pour out my sorrows to noone so i can only blog it here, type it out hoping i will feel better. We both tried to end it but unfortunately failed ! 1 of the reason i gave my previous relationship up is because of this. I gave up too much, i cannot afford to lose my little squirrel !

06/12/2009 she told me she don't like me anymore. I felt so devastated! Then she continued by saying it has become love already my dear. It really touches my heart and ultimately stunned i felt ! Why of all people me? I couldn't explain. She can't make a choice. Me or her husband? People might say that i'm wrecking up people's family, but who knows it's also wrecking up my own life? Do you think i feel good? Can you feel what i'm feeling? Insomnia, moodless to work, even to eat.. Am i living on well?

When i know that she's sick and out with her husband early noon till late evening, i lost control ! Not very sensible to choose this path but what can i do? Randomly pick any girls and start another relationship? That's not what i want !!! I know what i want but i need to seriously know what she wants also ! What should i do.....? What more can i do.... ? I don't know anymore...

Revival of the Shadow !!!

MUAHAHahahahha IM BACK!!! *wink! After SOoOoOo Long sibo? Not that thing long Tiko BUs pls stop letting your mind wander :Pp Bo bian, found a new hobby recently then very lazy to blog le. But, 观众要求.. Tsktsk.. Nothing much to blog actually.. Been doing almost the same thing everyweek, BUT... surprisingly, i stopped clubbing for like almost ONE WHOLE MONTH! 难以相信!!! WooT, gathering at 700A.. You ppl will know where :) Mahjong, gatherings, Food, n Liquor.. Xmas and NYE were both spent at home with Bao n Friends.. Every year xmas and nye chiong oso sianx, so packed, so hot, so much problems.. So decided to have a change this year :) Aka 改邪归正 LMAO :P Not much stories to tell So yea.. check my Xmas pressie from my friends n Bao and some of the stuffs i bought :) Oh suddenly something pop up from my mind, YES!!! Ranting time.. My company HAHA 赶羚羊的草急派啊! Bonus 1 month, Comm untill now haven take.. WooT!! No CNY dinner at restaurant this year.. Really is SALTY until CHUT ZUP man! BWG!!! So yeah... Leaving is a wise choice.. But after the Bonus n Comm falls into IMMA HANDS!!!!! MUAHAhahahaha... Seriously VERY not satisfied with this PU BOR coy liao altho its a 因因请请 de job.. K lah.. enough Ranting.. See pic >>>> 请看>>>>>>>>>

This plays a VERY important role.. a gift from Didi n Angel :)

My 人身目标 since young.. HELI !!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it crashed n died off :(

A gift from 1770t13 :) so sweet of him!!

Gift from BAO.. Handmade de Box hor mai siao siao :)

This is my Xmas Pressie from BAO :) WeeeeeeT !!!

Guess who? heehee LMAO :X

Bad people :X

HUAT AH !! LOLx

HAmmie xiong n Me ^^

OK lah damn tired liao.. this entry took me SOOOOOOOOOOO many days leh.. Must appreciate ok *wink !! I'll update again when im more free n LESS tired peeps :) Luv ya all LOLx More n more Gu niang liao.. die.. ! HOT FLOWERS SISTAS HUAT AH !!! You know who you all are !

Ya CNY is coming.. May all my friends, relatives, buddies, sistas, bros, blablalba all stay healthy, wealthy, Happy and whatever THY you have.. Yeah.. ! LONG ZHONG HUAT AH !!

Sudden thoughts.....

Ya its me again.. After hearing what Zzzie said about his Xmas, i suddenly recalled mine.. Although its supposed to be something joyful, but before the joy was a damn terrible and horrifying experience. To think of it, it still terrifies me. It happened last october and ends on e Xmas eve night. Its too private to be blogged here, as i said i will not reveal all the things that happened.. Just a rough idea of my feelings will do.. I dunno and i dont care how miserable and how much sufferings you had in your life to said mine as a small thing, or im not e most unlucky person on earth. Bcuz im who i m.. If i cannot even managed my own things well, why do you think i will even be bothered about others? I really hope i can get outta the "SHADOW" of that incident and gradually lead a happy life with her ever after.. That is how my nick came by.. "SHADOW" By my godsister DION.. She says im living in my Shadow, y not just use it as my name.. And im using it till now. Is December really such a EMO month to live in? Im not too sure either, few friends of mine also feeling very down in this month. Hope i will have a wonder Xmas this year given all the blessing from my friends, family and BAO. And hope my family and all my friends, bro, sista, buddies, GF, will feel the same too, staying happy, blissful and healthy always.....

Love ~ ~ ~ Shadow

12/12/07

Ytd was a very Sad and Contradicting night for me. Something happened.. Im supressing my feelings so long until it exploded last night. I wont say in details what happened. But i hope this is really the last time. I will make my stand firm the next time you're like this again.. If i dont LOVE YOU and wanna BE with YOU do you think we can LAST till now? Just use abit of ur analysation and common sense. There is alot things i will not reveal in my blog. I got my own reasons. The only thing i can do is to keep to myself. Only individuals who knows me well enough MIGHT know what im going through.. I may laugh, smile, joke around, entertain you people BUT there will also be times when im down just like any other human beings...

OK LAH enough of e UNhappy part.. Chatted with VioVio and she make me laugh like hell, as blur as a sotong, guess she is really tired le.. Went off to bed. Taught her how to use Whosgoing.. Hope its not SOMETHING BAD bah.. Shes a fast learner by e way :) Nvm about those BAD THINGS inside... I will Protect her cuz she is UNDER ME! HOKKIEN BENG! And she is POTATO LIAN! The UNbeatables pair .. LMAO!! OoPpSs...

And let me do a posting on ANGEL meimei de birthday bah :)

Saturday 08/12/07

1st time she dug $$ outta her wallet to treat me eat. Sushi tei somemore.. Mai siao siao ohh.. :) But i dunno why have to RUN ALL THE WAY FROM TOWN TO SERANGOON to eat it.. Somemore there is no tables available have to wait for 20mins !! *ANGRY* After the meal i accompanied her to bugis to do her hair as well as meet my BAO at funan to take her lappie.. Queued for DAMN XX de long can.. Imagined we can go kopitiam buy a can of whatever drink, went downstairs to smoke, debate abit, smoke again then went up, XX de XXX still got 200 over ppl ahead of us? SIAO BO? Then BAO dunno use what mei ren ji (Beauty seduction) then jitao no need to follow the Queue, went to another Queue waited for 5mins and its OUR turn.. Took the lappie took a cab home and prepare to go St James for Angel meimei de birday :) 2 weeks ago de sat opened 6 bottles martell, last week open how many? 7 loh.. haa.. SIAO 1 !! Ok lah see pics mai loso le.. :)

HEY HLB dont bully me! Haa haa.. Like real :P

Leileiwin meimei and Angel meimei

My Tempura and Cha Soba

BIRDAY GER.. Wee U WeeT :)

With UNCLE AJ

With Motie :)

with Leileiwin

With RX8 :X oppsss

with Jordan

This 1 you dunno who I SLAP HO LI SI AR !

She says she likes this e most bcuz its VERY GONG! lols

AHEM!!!!!

Zzzie and Korkor

WHO?? SUPERSTAR ANDY LIN DOW DOW !

HOW DARE you try snip off my weapon !!!

She said take pics with chio Bu needa siam so far meh? Of cuz im YANXXX lei :P

LASTLY of cuz is my BAOBAO lah.. Nvr hear b4 SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST MEH?

Ok lah pang kang liao.. bye peeps :) Have a nice day ahead.. <3>

Random post

Fri night.. YES!! Fri night is the night, feeling alright yeah yeah .. After tonight will be my rest day.. So happy? No! Because eventhou its a WEEKEND, i also nvr get to rest much.. Dunno whats wrong with my bio-clock.. I cannot sleep for long now. Please!!! Teach me how to be a pig!!! :( Nothing much to do in office now.. MSN-ing, Whosgoing-ing, 摇脚-ing, talking to e lamest person in e whole universe>>>My colleague<<< :X oppss i nvr mention he is JOE ar.. SSsHhhhh.... i'll blog to e future n e past for this post.. Tmr is a LONG day for me.. Morning going orchard to buy some stuff for ***** secret charac.. press code to activate.. ( up up down down left left right right ctrl AB select start) familiar? :P Then afternoon.. 2pm got a FREE yes..Correct!! 免费SUSHI TEI treat ! WooT ! 什么东西是最好吃的... ANS: 免费的咯 :P Then after that dunno whether wana go home slack awhile OR accompany e Queen of e day to do her 毛 :X and DF here we come again :( Sian right? 他奶奶的 Everyweek oso same place same things. 4.5 more hours to my Weekends. 加油 KAMBATE !! K lah.. Stil got some pics left out for last week's outing n some random pics.. see pics bah.. :)

My 10 YEARS ++ de CLOSEST Buddy.. Bernice Sum Pei Er :P

Sorry Buddy nv feature you in e last post.. now makeup to you! She went back to sydney :(AWw

S@MMI fel fel ZHENG Buddy :)

E above are juz, bf, wind gege, sammie not leaving out DOWIE :P

YES its TooTie Dowie n HLB Zzzie again!

Complicated name XAN :X

Juzzie n Dowie ^^

Leileiwin n Angel...

Who is more SEXIER? LOLs

OUR EMO KING! MAKE A GUESS WHO IS HE ? HAaaaa

The usual CAMWHORE kakis :)

接下来 is My CAMWHORE SESSION :P

Ok no more le.. YES this is my BATTLE SUIT!! 战袍!! nite nite :)

过去了的假期

JIN PAISEH LONG ZHONG EVERYBODY!!! NO MOOD TO UPDATE LATELY!! BUT SEE GOT PPL ASK ME TO UPDATE THEN NO MATTER WHAT MUST GIVE SOME TEMPO MAH ! OK SWEE!! LUAN ZU UPDATE JI TONG... TODAY's DATE IS 4/12/07... BACK TO THE FUTURE... Tiu tiu tiu >>>>>>>>> HAIZzz... So sad ! 为什麽?? Bcuz i just ended my LONG WEEK END!! And back in office rotting :( SAD right? 是的!! Never mind, this is a ultimate long post, a conbination of happy n sad posting, so hum pa lang 龙锺 also write in.. Let me recall.. Wednesday night was my last night for the week. Y? Bcuz of the 啊鸡八力鸭 holiday in US.. ( Thanks giving day) Really thanks leh :) thur morning went to gf house ardy feeling uBer excited about it. Cant sleep tong ALLLL e way till 12plus noon.. then BAO woke up and we do our preparation n JB HERE WE COME!!! WeeT ! Thou im very tired ardy, But im too excited to fall asleep.. Cuz its my FIRST TIME TO JB! :X abit 山姑 right? I also think so :( Chop x2 prepare then head to Bugis dunno wad thingy there to meet her colleages on a cab.. Reached there 东see see 西see see finally saw her colleages then board e bus to JB! After a half an hour trip on e bus we reached e custom, didnt know what to do.. Virgin ma *shy* then just monkey see monkey do lo.. Get down go to dunno where Q up and got e chop then get back to the bus again for another 5mins journey then alighted.. 二话不说Charged straight into e shopping mall look for food.. We had Sushi for lunch:) After Sushi the shopping spree starts! Round 1 SHOP!! Walked around the shopping mall looking at EVERYthing n we just grab! Like M'sia $$ damn small like that -_-''' I was bored at 1st bcuz why? 3 GIRLS to 1 guy who is 林伯 lah! They shopped like nobodies Biz like that.. Then i followed.. :( Super悲哀!! until Joan 妹妹noticed that im bored then ask me to shop for some male stuffs then ALL of them accompanied me to shop for my things.. Unfortunately im VERY picky n choosy SO... i nvr get to buy anything in e 1st round Tried more than 20 pairs of shades :( My gf ardy bought a pair of shoes...Selfish her.. SHhhhhh!! :x Walk x3 then saw a ice cream shop n decided to eat some ice cream due to e sai-ko-lism by Joan 妹妹 n 小妹, guess wad.. ITS almost 马币$6 can!! Only 2 tiny winny little scoop! Super STUNNED!! @@ And best part is they 2 person who recommended changed their mind and ate MACDONALDS ice cream cone!! Angry bo u say lah! ARGHHHHHHH !!! 赶羚羊啊!! :X

Headed to Holiday plaza after e stupid ice cream commotion :x reached there by cab.. 1st time take M'sia cabbies very e mountain turtle once again.. i asked.. EH UNCLE Y U NVR ON METER 1.. Then 小妹 whisper to me softly 价钱已经phuey好了.. Faint! I nvr even saw them talking to e uncle lor -_-''' Nvr mind that ardy.. Reached Holiday plaza as usual SOP SHK 1st then go in for 2nd round of battling.. This time is my turn to 大展拳脚了 @#$%^^%$#@ TMD! Saw a optical mouse quite KAWAii 1 just for SDG $8 how can not buy? Buy lah ! Then next to it a male apparel shop.. Again by e Sai-ko-lism skills of Joan 妹妹 and 小妹 i bought a blazer at 马币$149 :( This is EX!! My 1st attempt is ardy equivilant to their 3 pairs of shoes :X This is called wad.. 高手一出手　便知有没有 :P Ok thats all we bought for e day.. ME: 1 optical 老鼠 and 1x uBer nice blazer (Zhan Pao) and BAO: 1 shoe.. BELIEVE IT? YES ITS ONLY THESE :( BAO say dun anyhow spend $$.. Ok lo save it for our Trip to either taiwan AGAIN or Hong Kong bah :) End of shopping spree Mini 1 though :( Then 小妹's friend came to fetch us to dinner.. So nice of him.. We went to a chinese restaurant for dinner.. Wanted to eat SEAfood but in e end we ate 煮抄 -_-''' uBer disappointed !! They say dunwana use they Golden hands on e Crabs :( We ordered 鹿肉，北京烤鸭，豆苗and 麻婆豆腐 plus a bottle of carlsberg for me ^^ Sibei ho tong right? Nvr slp for 2 days still can drink.. I also think so :P Finished the dinner 小妹's friend drove us to e custom and SG we are back! Once reached SG Zzzie called.. Fantastically de ZHUN!! Took a cab home AMK BAO's house.. Sleep? NO!! We played mahjong.. Usual Kakis Zzzie me BAO and tracy.. I really think i ardy attain immortality :X No need to sleep 1.. HAhaz.. played till dunno what time and won some $$. 1st day of my holiday ended. SCAREDed bo? 1st day only ardy so much..

Sibei stylio sibo... SWEE EH !!!

The 3 siao zabor & e Unique soft shell crab... LAstly All Food KANG KANG!!

OK the above pictures are from my Virgin JB's trip ! capture by my K850i.. Actually Still got afew havent upload yet so Pls wait patiently.. Thanks!

Part 2 of my holiday.. ITS FRIDAY!! DAMN EXCITED cuz i meet Zzzie to SIM LIM n bought my new COM!! WeeeeeeeeeeeT ! 1 word... 爽 !!! Forget to take a pic of my new COMmie...HahAz... write until here then i lazy to recall what has happened liao..The rest is mahjong n DF AGAIN so nothing special except i met my LONG TIME AGO DE FRIEND JEAN.. So i just put in some random pictures ba.. JIN PAISEH ONCE AGAIN!

SIM LIM TAN XIAN JI !

You know what are they? HAhaZz

Join Down come is dinner at opp suntec duno call what place forget liao.. with HLB Zzzie SHP

Angel n Ah Hai not leaving out KAWAii de Andy Lin Dowdow :P

Nice shot ! Look delicious bo? :Pp

There above is e SHP :P

Motie n SHP in action.....




YES IT ME !! TooTie me !

Motie chut power n we are so SCARED !!!! DF toilet camwhoring ONCE again.. spot the difference

Fel buddy n her friend.. Lastly for e night is ME N MY LONG TIME AGO FRIEND JEAN! wee~ Then followed by some ramdom pics and thats all .. :)

CHIO RIGHT? wooT !!

HA HA HA what is this? YES!!! ITS E 13 WAIST :PMAria Zzzie :P

The nicest smile i seen in him.. LOL

She has got a very complicating name so just call her XAN.. OMG this name :X

The HAMs n VEGEs :X

ME n Meowie :)

SIBEI HAM!! :x AHAHAHAHAHA :P

OK lah finally finished le.. i will try to update regularly as long as i got the time to hor all FANsi :) BUAIZzzz ~ ~ ~

一样的週末

Time now is 6.30AM... Raymond weil..!! Feeling rather EMO nowadays dunno why.. Maybe bcuz of the weather? 天空下起雨, 汉杰流泪滴 :( 今生迫分离, 来生在相聚.. Realising that somethings have changed.. Some for the better some for the... 废话..Worst lah.. Maybe.. Dunno.. Whatever... My Slogan.. "WHATEVER"! Swee eh.. ! Ok 鸟话 enough said.. :)

HA... What else is so special.. Make a guess and you'll know my whereabout last weekend.. 简单 lah.. Dragonfly lo.. 蜻蜓蜻蜓飞啊飞!! WeeeT ! "Jin jia xi bo teh heng ki liao ley"... But nvm lah.. Its my friend's BD anyway.. Had alot fun that night AFTER some small commotions.. As usual loh, Before going 蜻蜓, was playing Mahjong again.. Won $100.. Minus this n minus that KEK KO, also nv win much la.. And further more.. i spend $$ like 开水龙头 like that.. win $100 i spend $200 swee bo? I Think so.. !! Reached fly at what time forget liao but Zzzie n Angel was waiting for me outside. Apologise.. Nippon mode on : Sumimasen !! *off.. Went it together BUT guess what.. We sat separately.. 伤离别...离别虽然在眼前,说再见...再见不会太遥远,若有缘,有缘就能期待明天,你和我重逢在灿烂的季节... Just like when you buy toys.. Battery each sold separately.. AHahaha .. Pardon me. really nothing to write.. Squeezed dry my brain juice liao.. Moreover.. IM FEELING EMO PLS UNDERSTAND!! GUM SIA!! Was a rather special night for me bcuz after that we went Geylang eat 田鸡粥(sweet chicken porridge) and 螃蟹(crap) which is in my Genes :) Thank you ! Drink x3 Spend x3 HAHA then in e end Baobao tell me something that stunned me to e MAX.. SHE LOST $200 CASH @ DF ! Its just like falling from 168 storey.. Puzzled leh why 168 storey not any other number.. 168 is 一路发 ma.. NBz... 发 ki lan loh.. Heng she got a unbeatable Bao me Andy Lin Dowdow :) There's no need to fear.. Cuz UnderDOW is here ! lalala .. i will alwaz spare some cash incase of emergency.. But Baobao is very thoughtful for this. She didn't want me to be so 刚苦 so she borrowed from her mama first.. Thanks Baobao ... Muackies muacks.. I seriously suspect that e $$ is stolen by my friend's Gf's friend.. Who is a TIONG KOK BU (中国母) NBCB! If i find out that is her by any chance. :) Congrats, 恭喜你 you have won urslf a free trip back to china.. I will smack her until her @@ 大小粒 !! Run about in DF bcuz Zzzie sitting RIGHT OPP my table infront x1000 e stage whereas im behind x1 e stage. Can you imagine according to this numeric table how far we were? :P I hope this will not happen again.. Actually it could be better for that night.. ok la long hua short say short hua don't say le.. See pics.. Btw i haven't intro you all to my new love yet.. Sorry AN AN i steal your pics at ur blog.. My bad my bad.. :P All the pics are taken with it look below!

Iser buddy n her friend.. hmm zai simi mia ley.. =x

Dunno why this pic is like this.. looks weird.. like been squeezed =S

Steven n Wifey.. WeeeeT !

Me and Fel Buddy .. Which is nicer.. ?

Now i know why girls likes to take pics in toilet.. ITS NICE!!!! :P

WE JUST LOVE CAMWHORING!! MUAHAHhahahahahah :P

As usual the Mr SEH-ness dee :P but this time he is not drunk i can vouch :X

Sibei LOVING right? I also think so.. why do i ALWAZ say i also think so leh.. Bcuz if i think so i don't care if you thinks alike ma.. :P

My teeth are stronger than u orangie !! But e ultimate spicy tian ji zhou make my lips so Sexy n swollen :(

Lastly is a group pic and byebye all <3