Small squirrel and Big tree

Has been long since i blogged. I felt that i got noone to pour to. It's so not me to feel like this. Never been in this kinda relationship before, thus i really don't know what to do, how to react. Am i being paranoid, overreacting, selfish and pervert ? It's her husband and i'm actually being jealous over him. Asking what i'm not supposed to know saying what i'm not supposed to say. What should i do?

It all started on the 8th Aug 2009. Met her at DF, happened to be my friend's friend. We already knew each other for quite sometime just that we have never met. But still, we met coincidentally by chance by fate. Chatted on the phone almost everyday, meeting up, picking her sending her to work etc and we gradually become very close, like some kind unseen force bonding us together clicking very well. Knowing that she's married we carried on our relationship. Unbelievably we seems to have very similar frequencies. Always calling each other at the same time out of nowhere, or sms sent at the same time looking asking for each other, speaking the same words etc.. I believed it's all fate ! But isn't it alittle too late? Like for 6 whole years? What is exactly the outcome for us? I don't know. I seriously don't know a thing !

Although it's not a long peroid of time together, but the bond is definately not weak! At least for myself i know it's true and genuine.. I can pour out my sorrows to noone so i can only blog it here, type it out hoping i will feel better. We both tried to end it but unfortunately failed ! 1 of the reason i gave my previous relationship up is because of this. I gave up too much, i cannot afford to lose my little squirrel !

06/12/2009 she told me she don't like me anymore. I felt so devastated! Then she continued by saying it has become love already my dear. It really touches my heart and ultimately stunned i felt ! Why of all people me? I couldn't explain. She can't make a choice. Me or her husband? People might say that i'm wrecking up people's family, but who knows it's also wrecking up my own life? Do you think i feel good? Can you feel what i'm feeling? Insomnia, moodless to work, even to eat.. Am i living on well?

When i know that she's sick and out with her husband early noon till late evening, i lost control ! Not very sensible to choose this path but what can i do? Randomly pick any girls and start another relationship? That's not what i want !!! I know what i want but i need to seriously know what she wants also ! What should i do.....? What more can i do.... ? I don't know anymore...